Wow, that was officially the most depressing blog title I could ever have conjured up. 10 points to Rebecca for that one. I noticed recently I have been far, far too wrapped in work to even update my blog. So, tonight's the night. Hola gente hermosa! Please don't hate me too much for not writing. 20 points for whoever translates the spanish in any of my blog posts, I'm slowly learning more. Answers on a post card.
It's been a while since I've done a mental health post and that's for two reasons. Firstly, back in the summer I made the decision to come off of my medication because I was in quite frankly one of the most amazing places in my life, physically and mentally. Secondly and more recently, I'm in perhaps one of the lower places in my life. Not the lowest though, the lowest was when I first started on my medication this time last year. Yeah, that wasn't pretty. Anyway, I digress. I haven't wanted to do a post on mental health because I've always viewed this blog as showing the positives in life and how to deal with mental health and view it in a positive manner, or at least as positive as it could be. This post is designed to show you all the more honest side of things.
We all fall off the wagon, in some way, whether it's a diet plan, a project, studying or in a job. We all do, we can all agree on that one. I fell off the wagon at the latter end of September and the early start of October. Due to the stress of coming back to university and the sobering reality that I wasn't living my beautiful, crazy, island life anymore. Morph and the black dog hit me, hard. I found the first month and a half of uni immensely difficult, not in terms of content or deadlines but because I was scared that I was falling back into a dark place. I had grown scared of taking my medication, I had grown scared of reaching out for help. I just wanted to run, I had many thoughts of dropping out and I'm not ashamed to admit that.
I'm very glad to say I'm out that phase, thanks to some very fantastic people; to my mum and dad for reassuring me that no matter what decision I would've chosen, you would've been proud, to the faculty rep at the university for giving me a massive wake-up call, although you may not of realised it at the time but you encouraging me to go for the course rep position re-ignited the fire in me keep going, you reminded me of the passion that 6 year old Rebecca had. And brought that passion back to 20 year old Rebecca. To my course mates, for being the beautiful people that you are and giving me the support network that I needed, I love you all dearly.
Now that I am out of the woods, almost, I'm taking my medication properly again. I've got renewed drive to succeed in my degree and just win at life. I've come out with my first 1st of the year in an exam last week, I've gotten heavily involved in the university's sub-aqua club and am currently helping in planning the international trip for January 2017, I have the opportunity to go Malaysia in September next year. And how could I forget, I'm going back to my beloved island for 5 weeks in the summer.
Even as I'm writing this post, I'm feeling much more positive about everything, laying it out on paper has made me realise that I have so much to look forward too and so much to give this year.
It's been a hard few months, I won't lie. However, I realise that even in the darkest of moments, I still have my scrappy doo attitude to life, there is no point giving up everything I have worked so hard for until this moment, there was no point in just taking the easy way out. If you take anything from this blog post, guapa, just remember, that no matter how dark it gets, no matter how bleak it feels, there is no shame in reaching out, it will help you immensely, and you will get through this.
As always, if you read this and you feel low, or sad or just want a vent, please do not hesitate to contact me.
