Your tough exterior still houses a sensitive soul:
Flashback time to when I was 14 through to 17, I could not handle criticism. Not in the slightest but not because I felt I was perfect and above the criticism but because I threw my absolute heart and soul into everything I did, in academics, in friendships, in relationships, so when somebody presented criticism to me whether it be constructive or just plain rude, I would just go into meltdown. "What do you mean x isn't right? I put everything into it." This led to a lot of crying, screaming and anger on my behalf. I don't know what changed in my mental chemistry but nowadays, I can take criticism just as long as it's constructive and allows me to better myself from it. I developed a tough exterior that meant I could push aside the emotional side of things in order to understand what I needed to do next to improve. However, I can still hurt, I'm not autonomous but that is what has led to a very nice quality in me - I never want to stop learning. I can sit back now and say"Yeah, okay, y went wrong but if I'm in that situation again I can handle it, mitigate it."
People can occasionally be intimidated by you:
I've found this a running theme through every aspect of my life. Especially when you only stand at 5'4 and can never really see over the tops of crowds. Due to my height, I've developed a bit of small person complex but not necessarily in a bad aspect. (Wait for all the psychologists to lose their wigs over that one.) I have adapted a way of speaking in front of people that commands a certain level of mutual respect (still with typical Rebecca humor breaks thrown in.) My "presentation voice" as it's been labelled by some of my close friends. This somewhat natural ability to lead, instruct and brief people has been intimidating to some - those who don't know the way I operate can see me as a bit of an arsehole (Sorry, Mum, please pardon my French.) But as I said in my first ever blog, I'm a bit like marmite, you're either going to love me or hate me for it. I have come to accept that I will not win over everyone in my life but I'm not going to strive to please all of those people anymore. Another step in the direction of becoming a strong, independent woman.
You're everyone's support network:
This is not a complaint about my life by any means. This is a warning all you other beautiful, strong people out there who are always there for everyone else, even with your own troubles going on. We've all been there haven't we; you're consoling one friend over coffee about a recent break up, your phone is pinging all over the place with another friend who needs help with an upcoming exam/assignment/interview/other stressful life event. For the love of everything. Just. Stop. Please. Take a time out when it's all getting too much. I will quite frequently offload to be my wonderful mother when I can't cope with certain issues, not to moan or boo about it but just because she is the strongest woman I have ever met and there is very little she hasn't dealt with in her life. I digress, I call her to ask for advice, so I can be the best support network to all my friends, plus she's usually there to just tell me when to slow it down and think about my own mental health. Find someone like that, our mother, your brother, your sister, cousin, the neighbor down the street just find someone you can offload to when you feel it getting too much.
That bad habit of doing it all on your own:
This leads me on nicely to my next point - I know I have a seriously bad habit of trying to deal with all my personal problems by myself and occasionally, this leads to a pretty bad melt down. The latter isn't being strong, that's just being silly. You know all those friends and family that you keep supporting? Well, they're there to support you too and don't ever forget it - after all, a problem shared is a problem halved. Playing the heroine, the martyr, doesn't always mean you have to walk alone.
You're unstoppable:
I have actually lost count of times I have been told "You're not going to make it." or "You're not cut out for this." And as you lot will probably feel too. This. Really. Hurts. I have worked tirelessly for the last 8 years to get towards my degree and now I'm finally here, I'm doing it and I'm doing well. There is nothing some strength, determination, hard work, copious amount of tea and beans on toast can't fix. (Much love to you Dad for the beans on toast.) When you have these set backs in life, whether it be from what someone has said or your plan has gone entirely right. Sir back and review it. Day will follow night and you will get there sometimes you just have to take a different route to what you had planned. You are unstoppable. And don't ever forget it.
Ciao, Adios, I'm done.
