Overcoming The Distance - My Relationship

I am very lucky to have been in a long distance relationship for over 3 years now and there's no sign of us getting rid of each other any time soon. And to answer the first Frequently asked question, how did you two meet? We met over twitter, not to bore you with all the details but I followed him because we liked similar bands, he followed me back, we tweeted each other about the new batman film. A few weeks later I get a message saying "Hey, I'm bored. You seem cool!" And I have been stuck with Kieran ever since. Okay? okay,

 This blog is predominantly written to answer the second most frequently asked question - How are you managing it? Well, It was never easy (and still isn't, really) no relationship is. However, ours had one little extra problem 211.7 miles of distance between us, we were from two different ends of the UK. It's gotten a little cheaper easier to see each other since I've moved to university (No, that is not the main reason I am at this specific university.) but due to studying and work it can still be a little while between seeing each other. So, since my avid followers (Hi, Mum!) know I really like lists. I've compiled a list of tips on how we've made it this far, and for anyone else in our situation because we know it's not easy.

1) Maintain contact

It is so important to talk to each other as much as possible. You don't have to be talking every minute of everyday but something as simple as a text on your work break asking how your other half is, or a quick phone call when you're travelling home from work (NOT IF YOU'RE DRIVING, PEOPLE. The phone call can damn well wait as long as you make it home alive and car in tact.) But realise that even the best people can't talk all the time. Kieran and I have days where we talk loads and some where it could just be a FaceTime before bed but cherish it all because sometimes it's the short and sweet conversations that mean the most. Just take each and every day s it comes.

2) Have adventures

This is a tip for when you're seeing each other again. Now, when I say adventures, I don't necessarily mean Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit. Adventures could be anything; For example, Kieran and I have been to see bands such as Black Stone Cherry, Slipknot, Bullet For My Valentine, there was also the infamous Sonisphere Festival trip of 2014 and our spontaneous decision one slightly drunken saturday afternoon (It was a festival, don't judge me for my alcohol consumption before 12pm 8 in the evening!) To go and see Reel Big Fish. Highly recommend them to anyone who's looking for the funnest gig you will ever go too! Anyway, Sonisphere is a story for another blog post in it's own right.
Now, Where was I? Ah yes, adventures! They can be smaller things too, like this weekend we went Christmas shopping and sat in coffee shops for hours. Just find new places to see together. It doesn't matter if it's the local nature walk, a gig in a pub or somewhere exotic, just go! Make memories!

3) Skype/FaceTime Date nights 

I love these so much. Basically, it's hwere you video call your significant other and watch something together, a crappy TV show or a B rate film like Mega Piranha would suffice! and then you can both talk to each other about what you're watching or do what Kieran and I do, make horrendous puns and terrible jokes about what you're watching.

4) Never go to sleep on an argument

This next couple of tips are quite serious. (Although, knowing me, there will be some kind of bad joke in here somewhere, sorry.) This is an old piece of advice for EVERY relationship.

So, you've had a bad day at work, you come home and discover that the dishes are still in the sink even though your partner has had the day off, a few words are spoken, the wrong tone of voice is used and the whole argument blows up into what happened on July 20th 2012 at 11:30am and there are discussions about who's keeping Aunt Margaret's vase. Well, don't storm off, slam doors and just go to sleep thinking it'll help, it won't. You're better off (IMO) shouting your throat raw and getting everything out, apologising to each other and both getting a good night's sleep knowing that everything's okay, waking up in the morning and your partner may hopefully do the dishes. Anyway, my point is, just get it out the way, say what needs to be said and then you can both work together to improve the situation.

5) Honesty is the best policy

I cannot stress this enough. Although it's never been a major problem in our relationship, Kieran and I have observed many long distance and non-long distance relationships fail because there's just no honesty and subsequently no trust in a relationship and it's so sad because sometimes it's from a build up of little white lies. If you're going to meet someone after work for a coffee, whether your partner likes them or not. Just tell your partner what you're doing, don't make up some awful excuse that you're working late, you'll be caught out and put a pretty major dent in your relationship, not worth it. Simples.


Have I forgotten any tips? Do you have any more questions? Or maybe, just maybe I may have helped you? Even if you hated this article and all my other blog posts feel free to tweet me @RebeccaByTheSea

Or if you want to ask Kieran some questions you can tweet him @Kieran639

How a Job In Retail Changed My Life (Predominantly For The Better)

Anxiety has ruled most aspects of my life since a very young age and has affected me in even the most simplistic of tasks. One of my biggest fears until about a few years ago was paying for things in shops. I know, stupid, right? I literally would freak out about not having enough money (even though I counted it at least 1200 times) and predominantly what the cashier was thinking about me, like they were telepathic or something. I cringe now thinking back about the amount of nice clothes and yummy food I missed out on all because I was too scared to go to a till. (It did save me a lot of money though...)

This all changed one fateful day in the Summer of 2014. I had just finished my second year of A levels and decided that in order to get some money together for university I would have to get a job. So, after applying for 50+ jobs and being repeatedly turned down because I had no experience (although I had volunteered for various things numerous times through my school years.) I finally got a phone call from a well known UK and US based supermarket offering me an interview. I was ecstatic, someone was finally giving me a chance! Then it hit me.. I actually had to go into a room with people I didn't know and answer their questioning, oh dear. To anyone out there who's worried about interviews or falls apart in them, I recommend acting. Seriously, it sounds silly but the way I got through my interview was to envision myself as a more confident character and step into the role of confident me, not cocky or arrogant but just quietly confident.

So, I arrived to my interview in the smartest clothes I could find and smiled, smiled at everyone I met because even though I was a bag of nerves, I at least looked happy to be there. It transpired I was to have a group interview, I had some mixed feeling about this at the time but in hindsight, it was so much easier than 1-1. We were put into a random group of 4 and did some presentations, all whilst being watched to see how we interacted. So my acting idea worked pretty well, I even had an audience.

It turns out the interview went well and within a few hours I had a call back - There was just ONE problem, the department that wanted me was checkouts, I was to become the cashier I was so afraid of. I then started worrying about what the customers thought of me, would they get angry at me if I was slow? or I got their change wrong? Being dyslexic as well, I knew I would struggle with trying to learn how the till worked but I needed the money badly, so I agreed to it.

A few weeks went on, I did my health and safety training and then I was ready to begin my first shift. I started with shadowing a very kind woman who, as it turned out,  actually only lived down the road from me! She showed me how to scan items and weigh them and how to use the codes to type things in, it was immensely hard and fast-paced - and I can even remember cringing as I Id'd a man who turned out to be 30! (whoops.) and  I gave out the wrong change more than once. I actually went home and cried after that shift thinking I would never be good at it, I was planning on handing my notice in when  I could.

Luckily, as time went on, I got more confident, my anxiety started to dissipate, I even made some amazing friends whilst I was working there. yes, I still give out the wrong change occasionally, upset a few customers who I had to ID (they were the ones who didn't have ID and stormed off in a huff.) but this whole experience made me feel so much more at ease with the world and helped my anxiety more than most therapies. It can still be hard on bad days to get through my shifts but I have a fantastic group of co-workers and a great people's manager who help me through. If you're reading this and are currently looking for a job or still having a few teething problems in overcoming work anxiety, just don't give up, it does get better and easier the more you learn and adapt your coping mechanisms. If it does get really bad then talk to your manager, funnily enough, they're pretty good people too and can be very understanding of the situation. Just keep on trucking and of course, just think of payday! ;)

I'm thoroughly looking forward to going back to work over Christmas but my thoughts are with everyone working in retail over black Friday and these busy pre-Christmas months,. I salute you!

"Set Goals... And Then Smash 'em" My plans for the next few months

Looks like I'm going on a bit of a blogging rampage at the moment but I've learnt that the best way to smash my goals is to publicize them. So what better platform than a blog that can be seen by anyone and everyone, lovely, no pressure there. These goals will be a mixture of fitness, self-care, academia, work and travel based goals. Almost like world's earliest set of New Years resolutions! Every couple of weeks I'll write a review post on how I'm doing in terms of achieving these goals.

And as we all have hopefully learnt from my previous blog posts, I quite like lists. So, here's another!

1) To get back into my fitness grind -

This goal is probably the simplest (supposedly) on my list. Back in 2013 I made the decision to try and lose weight and I am pleased to say I have been successful in doing so, I went from 13st (on a 5"4 frame) and a size 18 to currently 10st 8 and a size 10 (And yes, I am still as short as I was before. Booo!) I may, if there's demand for it, post how I lost weight. (Please, remember, I am not a dietitian, a personal trainer or anything of the like, so what worked for me, may not work for everyone.) Unfortunately, there was a very bleak time whilst I was doing this where I dropped to a little below 9st 7 in a very unhealthy way by restricting and spending hours on cardio machines. But, power-lifting and weight training saved my life, I met one of the best non-coach, coaches in the world who taught me to love drop sets and super sets, shout out to you! I just really want to get back into it. At the moment I'm only going at most 1-2x a week, so I want to challenge myself to 3-4x a week, even if it's only 30 minutes on a treadmill. (Sorry, coach!)

2) Attempt to get a 1st (Or at least the closest to a 1st I can get)

I'm waiting for the cries from my family and close friends as they read this - "No, Rebecca, no! don't put too much pressure on yourself, first year doesn't count!" Well, to me, it does and it would be a monumental confidence boost for when I go into my 2nd year and to me, it becomes a motivational factor. I may cry, scream and have to rely on my neighboring flat mate to come and rescue me occasionally but I'll get there, watch me. (Ooooh, fighting talk...)

3) Complete my diving internship and become a dive master -

This is going to be my major achievement of 2016, In the July I'll be flying out to Gran Canaria to work for Scuba Sur (one of the best diving schools on the island, just saying) in exchange for them giving me all the appropriate training and resources to become a dive master. Better start brushing up on some Spanish then. How do you ask where the bar is in Spanish?

4) Meditate more -

This is the self-care aspect, for a brief period of time I would try and meditate once a week better it soon disappeared when the workload starting piling up. Which is a shame really, it probably would've helped me with my anxiety and stress, I intend on trying to meditate or listen to my hypnotherapy for 10 minutes every 2 weeks, hopefully, increasing the frequency of these 10 minute sessions as time goes on and I work them into my schedule.

5) Look after number 1 -

This might sound like one of the most selfish comments you will ever come across on my blog but I can be immensely hard on myself, I beat myself up for getting two A*s, an A and a C at A level because of that ONE C grade, in hindsight now I think I did pretty damn well. but I want to try and stop that and be a bit more self-forgiving, there's more to life than just my grades and my work performance, I know but it's just how my mind is programmed I suppose.

Generalised Anxiety Disorder, University and How I'm Coping... (#breakthesilence)

This is a subject close to my heart and always will be. I have suffered with Generalised Anxiety Disorder on a low level all my life but 6 years ago it got significantly worse. I've been coping with it day in and day out ever since, I also had a period in my life where I suffered with PTSD in addition but I think that's gotten much better thanks to a wonderful counsellor I was assigned in Secondary school, I just wish I could remember her name.

Just as a quick update: I have successfully survived freshers week with my liver and dignity in tact and I've currently got my nose to the grind preparing for my 1st semester exams (Hence lack of posts, sorry guys.)

Anyway, on with the post. It's scary to move from home, away from your comfort zone of friends and family and then be hit by "hey, here's all this work you have to do!" In fact, it's not even scary, it's bloody terrifying. And I know anxiety and depression can exacerbate the situation (Or even be caused by this situation). So I've compiled a short list of tips that have helped me stay calm (kind of) in the last several weeks. I know anxiety and depression are becoming more and more commonly diagnosed within the population and there's still a huge amount of stigma around it. So, If this article helps just one person, I've done my job. (I am a major supporter of the break the silence campaign, if you or someone you know suffers with any form of mental illness, for the love of everything, talk to eachother, look after eachother and more importantly, love eachother)

Now here - have a list:


1) Organisation

This is predominantly a work based tip but at the end of every week I put all my notes into files, do my laundry for the week, plan my week as much as I can and most importantly make sure my room is tidy. (I'm pretty sure My mum is more proud of this than my actual degree... Love you really, mum.) it's this process that really helps me get my mind clear and ready for the next week ahead.

2) Live in the moment

I know it's slightly contradictory to my last post about planning my week but please, read on and I shall explain all - I try and stop myself from worrying about things that haven't happened yet or that might never even happen, like my upcoming exams in December and January (Unfortunately, they are really happening). A little bit of worry is natural but allowing these things to cloud my mind too much can really destroy me; it stops me from dealing with my current problems. In other words, it stops me biting off more than I can chew. I will probably write a further blog post about my grounding techniques and how progressive muscle relaxation and hypnotherapy saved me from (further) insanity.

3) MOVE YOUR KEISTER, MEISTER!

I try and go to the gym where I can, this empties my mind completely. If you know me, you know I love Dana Linn Bailey and I love weightlifting. When I get really stressed I say "Bugger it all!" Scoff a banana and go and throw some iron around.
However, I recommend exercise to anyone and everyone, it can be anything! Just a short walk can help, it gets you away from the study desk and helps lift your mood completely!
4) Just stop, stop right there.
This is a bit of a sub-point from the last one but when things get too much and you get what my Dad affectionately calls "brain fuddle" just step away from whatever situation you're in that's causing the fuddle and do something else, call a friend, write a poem, write a blog, anything that will make you feel better and put your mind at ease. and remember, IT'S OKAY TO RELAX.


5) Call home

Because I'm probably coolest uncool person you've ever met, I love to talk to my parents on a night. It doesn't have to be everyday but talking to the people you love and unloading all your emotional baggage can really help.

6) Student services

I am yet to do this but I know in my university they have a fantastic team of people ready to help you with anything, even if you just want some sympathy and a chat. Major shout out here to the Mental Healthy Awareness Society for breaking the stigma here in Hull! 

Of course, this is just what helps me, you may have other means of coping. I know too well that sometimes they aren't always constructive and if you are struggling, I am willing to help anyone. (Pop me a message if you wish.) but go to your best friend, your GP, your student services and talk it out or for those like me how get very nervous talking to people about mental health - there's a wonderful little app called "7 cups of tea" where anonymous listeners are waiting to help you with anything. This app also provides 3 minutes of meditation and various other things to encourage the development of a more positive outlook.

Keep smiling, it will all be okay, I promise.

(Image sourced from: http://new.bsescampaign.com/ I do not claim it to be my own and I give full credit to the creators. In fact, I give a lot of credit t0 the creators for the project they're running. Thank you.)