Looking After No.1 - Self-care Boxes

After my post about Safe Havens and Panic Buttons, a few people have requested that I do another post about coping with anxiety. The idea for self-care boxes was actually sparked after I was trying to work out what to get my Mum for Christmas. Before I went to Uni, I used my last pay cheque to buy my mum a penguin family pandora charm, stating that not only was it my leaving gift to her but also just in case I failed abysmally at getting her a Christmas present. So, I had at least covered my back but I couldn't just get her nothing. After days and weeks of racking my brain cell I came up with the idea of a self-care box. My Mum suffers with fibromyalgia and lymphodema following her battle with breast cancer and the woman is an absolute warrior, she still works a very demanding job and dedicates so much time and energy to her family, even on the days where anything that touches her feels like such an immense pain. (In all honesty, I can't begin to imagine what she goes through everyday.) So I made her self-care box with the thought of her bad days, when she's in pain and needs to rest. Her box contained:

1) A Blanket Throw

This is to keep her warm and also something to snuggle up with. This was to ensure that she would relax and sit or lie down because as amazing as she is, my darling mum often over does things and her fatigue can really ruin the next day for her.

2) Slippers

To go with the blanket throw and to remind her that when she takes off her work shoes that the working day is over and it's time to relax.

3) Tea Light Candles

We have tea light candle holders around our bath tub and again, this is something to help her relax on bad days because let's face it, who doesn't love candlelit baths?

4) Favourite Chocolate

.... Need I say more. Even J.K. Rowling speaks of chocolate as way of fighting off dementors (which were her personification of depression.) So that stuff is blooming magical!

5) Hot Water Bottle

To go with the blanket throw, slippers and chocolate, making for a cosy and chilled night in after a nice bath.

There were a few other random bits and pieces in there too which were personal to my mum and I but safe to say she loved it! But you're probably wondering, how the heck can I translate this to dealing with anxiety? Well, quite easily actually. If you use the template of what I put in Mother G's box, you can personalise and customise what you want to put into your self-care box. And even choose a pretty box to put your items in. Mine has penguins on.... Are we surprised?

Why Do I Feel They're So Important?

I believe everybody should have a Self-care box not just those of us who suffer with depression and/or anxiety because they are just wonderfully useful for a grey drizzly day where you might feel down or after a bad day at work/school/college/Univeristy/educational establishment. Because you
know when you open it there are things in there that can comfort you, like the blanket throw and hot water bottle, make you smile, I made a little Netflix coupon in mine to remind me to sit back, relax and watch a comedy film or QI. Or even to remind you to eat, drink and wash because let's face it, that's the fundamentals of self-care. When you're depressed, as an example, you tend to become quite numb and you don't care too particularly about your appearance or you won't eat or drink as much as you should. I made one for a friend as a Christmas present which contained tea bags and chocolate, something to eat and something to drink. As much as these posts are all about tips to cope with anxiety I can never stress enough how important it is to talk to other people, someone you trust or go to your GP if you feel you may be depressed or suffering from anxiety and get help, don't ever suffer in silence.

I'm happy to be someone to talk too, feel free to contact me by E-mail rebecca.j.a.goodwin@gmail.com

Or by Twitter @RebeccaByTheSea

Safe Havens and Panic Buttons

I know, the title sounds like a pop punk band's debut track. However, what I want to talk about on this blog post today is a topic I touched upon briefly on previously. I've spoken about my anxiety and how it's affected me at work in the beginning, and through my academics. But I've never spoken about day to day life. How some days I can barely get out the door without my hands going shaky, how some days even getting that far is a complete miracle. I'm going to talk about coping mechanisms for those days where you wake up and feel the heavy weight of anxiety, or morph, in my case, sitting on your chest. 

As the title suggests, there are two main ways that I have learnt to manage my anxiety. Safe havens, having an environment where you feel your anxiety cannot touch you or that makes you feel safe; what to do when you're out in a public place, school or work and you've been triggered, you want to get out of the area but maybe you can't, so you're left fighting the war inside your own head. Hopefully, my dear readers, I can provide you with some mental arms to help take your anxiety down a peg.

Let's start close to home, or in my case, literally in my home.

Safe havens:

What do I mean by safe haven? I mean an area where you feel calm, where anxious thoughts and feelings don't cross your mind but if they do, they don't last long. My safe haven is my family home, anywhere in my home I know is safe but my particular favourite is the kitchen/dining room area we have. For a few reasons. (Did you really think you got away with one of my blog posts NOT having a list?!)

1) The kettle and teabags are always near: A hot drink, for me it's green tea always centres me again and just the feeling of warmth is very comforting. Even the act of making the cup of tea or coffee forces you to think about what you're doing.

2) Water bottles in the fridge:  In the middle of an anxiety attack, one of the best things you can do is drink water, this is because water will trigger the "dive reflex" from your body, which slows your heart rate down and in turn can combat the increased heart rate and reduce some feeling of panic. Plus, if you've been crying you can rehydrate yourself too.

3) There's usually always someone around:

This is relatively self-explanatory, my parents are usually in the kitchen, they could be on their iPads or cooking or watching TV but just knowing there's someone in the room to talk too, to have a hug from or just generally have some company; is wonderful.

At University right now I'm struggling to create my uni room into a safe haven because I associate it so much with my study space but I'm slowly getting there, I've bought a new throw to put over my bed, some new cushions, some battery operated candles and I'll probably get a lavender reed diffuser so I can make it more relaxing and cosy. I'm also taking my yoga mat back to uni so I can do yoga and meditate in my room. Any other ideas would be greatly appreciated!

Panic Buttons:

Panic buttons? What are you on about, Rebecca? I hear you cry! Okay, maybe not... But! What I mean by panic buttons is what to do (or what I've done) in certain situations where you can feel an anxiety attack coming on. Because this attack is predominantly happening in my mind, I imagine myself in my mind's eye hitting a panic button and going through the stages of my "panic plan" in my head. Pixar beat me too it on the idea of personified emotions running around in your head, unfortunately!

So I've hit the panic button, what do I do?

Say for example I'm at work, something's triggered me, it might be a comment from a customer, doing something new on a department I'm not familiar with or before an exam or test at university. 

Stage 1) Grounding

My mind has run away with me and I can forget where I am or what I'm doing. So I have to find 5 things around me. 

1) Something I can see

2) Something I can smell (I tend to focus on my perfume)

3) Something I can feel (temperature is always good)

4) Something I can touch

5) Something I can hear (the radio is usually on at work so that helps but any conversation you might hear is good too.)

Stage 2) Breathing

Okay, so I'm not disoriented any more but my breathing hasn't slowed down. I have two methods for dealing with this, one is grabbing my water bottle and chugging it down to trigger the dive response which I spoke about above. But if I can't do that I draw a little square on my leg with my finger; when the lines are going horizontal, I breathe in, when they're vertical I breathe out. This square gets bigger and bigger, forcing me to take deeper breaths until my breathing is quite relaxed and calm.

Stage 3) Feeling positive again

I've calmed down, I'm aware of what's around me but how do I get back to feeling somewhat better again? I carry on with my breathing, almost in a meditative state, focus on something that makes me happy, I usually keep photos on my phone of me and my best friend, partner or family to look at, or maybe a joke or funny picture someone has sent me. Even better, look up cat videos on YouTube, thank you to Conor Mcgloin my old sociology teacher for that method! Anything that could make you smile and mentally prepare yourself if you've got to go back out and face people again, if not, go to your safe haven, have a hot drink and practice some

Self-care! Which is something I'm looking at writing about over the next coming weeks.

I hope this blog post helps even a few people reading, if you suffer with anxiety I cannot stress enough how important it is to talk to your loved ones or a GP to get help, these methods focus on what to do when you're alone but with support, it can make things one heck of a lot easier. Please, share this so we can reach out to more people who may be struggling.

If you want someone to talk too please don't hesitate to contact me on Twitter @RebeccaByTheSea or e-mail

rebecca.j.a.goodwin@gmail.com 

God bless and Stay safe. <3

Charity Challenge January

Most people's resolutions can be things of self-improvement such as exercising more, losing weight or quitting smoking, which are all amazing things and I send so much love and support to all of you who are going to pursue things likes that  throughout 2016. This year, I have decided to make a resolution to help as many people as possible through the next year, this can stem from  "Acts of Random Kindness" (ARKs), doing charity bag packing and hopefully a 5K run at some point in the year. However, due to
Money being tight for me during the next few months, I will be doing all sorts of weird and wonderful things in a bid to raise money for charity.  So, starting on the 1st of January, I'm not taking on one but TWO challenges. So, here is what I'll be doing for the month of January! Woooo! Yeah!

Challenge number one: Is the Tough n Buff Squat challenge in support of The Children's Society charity. Why have I chosen to do this challenge? Well, it's very close to the sector my Mum works in and a charity which I believe does some fantastic work with vulnerable Children in the UK. In fact on their websites it states that there are currently 3.7 million children in the UK currently living in poverty, and that desperately needs to be tackled and it won't be cheap, so if I can raise just £50 towards this charity, I will be ecstatic. So I'll be doing 2,400 squats in 30 days to raise that money. At the moment thanks to a very generous anonymous donation, there's only £30 to go until I reach that target. That's 10 people donating just £3! If you wish to donate or join in yourself then please follow these links, you beautiful people. (Am I flattering you enough to donate some
Money yet, or?)

To donate - https://www.justgiving.com/Rebecca-Goodwin9/

To sign up and do your own challenge - http://toughnbuff.childrenssociety.org.uk


Challenge number two: Is the Dryathlon in aid of Cancer Research UK. This is a charity so close to my heart for two very prominent reasons. This isn't just to give me a New Years resolution. As many know, in 2010 my mum was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, in 2014 my Gran was diagnosed with Bowel Cancer. My mum is a survivor and warrior for what she's been through! So me giving up drinking and hangovers for a month is nothing compared to the pain she endured through chemotherapy and radiotherapy. My Gran is one of the most wonderful angels in heaven now but I know she'd be proud of me for taking on and eventually completing the  Dryathlon. If you want to do this then follow the sign up link below but if you want to sign up but maybe don't feel quite able to do it enough on your own and want some support then I am more than happy to start a team with someone so we can raise money together to kick cancer's backside! Because it has affected and taken away too many people now. You really are a gorgeous reader and I really, really think you should put your hand in your pockets, count up your coppers and see how much you can donate, a little will go a really long way on the road to £150!

To donate - https://www.justgiving.com/Rebecca-Goodwin-dryathlete20162015

To sign up - http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/support-us/find-an-event/charity-challenges/dryathlon

In addition to raising some money for two absolutely amazing charities, I will be getting stronger legs and a bit fitter if I combine it with some cardio, I can't wait for the weather to start lightening up so I can do my power walks! And my body shall be relatively toxin free from giving up whiskey and cider but as I said, compared to what cancer patients go through, it's nothing. I'm hoping I could stretch the no alcohol rule for longer than a month because, well, drinking isn't really the best thing for me because a heavy night out can put me out of action for about 5 days, I'm certainly no ordinary 20 year old.

Whatever you're doing this lovely New Years Eve, I hope you have a magical one. I wish you all the very best of health and happiness through the next year. I can't wait to see what the next year holds for me and my family but whatever's happening, I will be most certainly blogging about it!

"Nothing tastes better than how skinny feels" Well, Doughnuts do...

Well, my titles seem to be getting a little more witty. Even if I do
say so myself. All joking aside I wanted to talk about a not so pretty part of my life in this blog post as I finally feel comfortable enough to discuss it. Remember how i
n one of my previous blog posst I spoke about how I went from 13st to 9st 7 and there was pretty dark period in between that journey? Well, today, I'm centering in on that dark period.

Flash back here to Summer 2013, I had just finished my AS levels at sixth form and after many years of bullying about my weight and my size. I had decided I had had enough of looking in the mirror everyday and hating what I saw. especially after this picture was taken at a Pierce the Veil concert. I was literally disgusted with the size I had gotten too. I knew many
 years of stress eating, emotional eating and binge eating had caused it. I probably ate somewhere in the region of 4,000 calories a day, most of which I probably did in a single sitting. So what did I do about it? A few days after this picture was taken I stepped on a scale for the first time in a few years and read the dreaded 13st that flashed up on the screen. So after a few google searches on weight loss tips, I downloaded the app myfitnesspal and began counting my calories, eating around 1,200 calories a day and going on walks round the park. Over a few months my weight dropped to a decent 10st 10lbs and I remember plateauing at that weight for quite a while, I had also joined a gym at that point but had no real idea on what I was doing most of the time, haha!


But, this was the point where, in hindsight, I noticed something was wrong with me, I became obsessive over the amount of calories in certain foods, and became obsessed with the idea of clean eating and anything that wasn't a vegetable, fruit, nut or a piece of meat was practically toxic to my body! I remember nearly crying over my mum's home cooked food (Sorry, Mum!) because it had breadcrumbs on it or something ridiculous.healing. I know I'm using humor here to cover up how bad things really got, I would be killing myself on cardio machines in the gym, eating around 600 calories of food a day, I remember fainting a couple of times because of it. But, I was happy, for the first time in my life people were calling my skinny, thin and usually the word beautiful or pretty would be combined with it, even those that used to bully me for my weight were asking my how I did it. Truth be told, I was developing an eating disorder, people don't like me using that term because I was never formally diagnosed or admitted into hospital, my BMI was still in a healthy range but the way my mind worked was that of someone with anorexia, my only focus in life were food (and how little I could get away with eating) and losing more weight but no matter how much I lost I was still "fat" and I never felt good enough. Within the period of a month, I dropped 17lbs and weighed 9st 7, during this time I had also undergone leg surgery and my bones just weren't getting enough nutrients to heal so it was a very long process of healing.

I can't actually find any suitable pictures (at the moment) of me at the time but I know there are a few floating around on Facebook. I removed most of them because I realised, I looked ill, I looked grey and I looked terribly gaunt in the face. I claimed that I was healthy and fit, in reality, I was just under eating and over exercising. Not a good balance. Flashing forward too today... Literally today. This next pictureI weighed myself this morning, I weigh 11st 3 and still fit into size 10/12 clothes, when I was at 13st I was wearing size 18 clothes and at 9st 7 I was wearing 8/10 clothes but in all honesty, I don't care about the label on my clothes. I lift weights a few times a week, might do some cardio and conditioning if I'm in the mood, I eat when I feel hungry, I just try and get a high protein diet but for once in my life - I AM HAPPY! Just all round happy, I'm finally at peace with my body. I love it and what it can do, it can pull it's own body weight off the floor and squat it too. It it strong and wonderful. Plus, I can eat as many doughnuts as I like (in moderation of course ;) ), hence the title.

 I wanted to make this part of my life known. Not for praise, pride or recognition, but to let people know that they're not alone and you can gets yourself out of dark places like this, you can over come an eating disorder, I was lucky that I had the best family and friends ever to get me through it but there are so many organisations out there that are ready and willing to help you. And to anyone reading this, please don't hesitate to message me and I'm always here for anyone that reads these blogs.

My Work Ethic (And Why It Is What It Is Today...)

I've been asked quite a few times at univeristy now about my work ethic, how I've been able to maintain it and why my life is ruled by it so much. Just let me get one thing clear before I go on, my average day consists of normally around 4 hours of addtional study, more on the weekends. And although to some of you reading this might think "Rebecca! That's wonderful, why are you moaning about it!" Well, It's both one of my best and worst attributes, a double-edged sword, if you will.

So to begin, like every essay I ever wrote in Geography it is firstly important to define what is meant by the term "work ethic:" The Free Dictionary defines Work Ethic as "An ethical principle that places greatest value on hard work and diligence." So there we go, that's a pretty accurate representation of what my work ethic is, I believe that hard work and dilligence is what will get me somewhere in life. (However, that's on the premise that meritocraty is a real thing.) but sociolkogy aside, let's talk about why it's become something I put so much value on.

There are 3 incidences in my life that I can remember which caused me to develop this work ethic.Yes, people, it's time for another list.):

1) My Science Classes of 2007:

Ah, 2007, the year I started secondary school, although I wasn't particularly fond of my early secondary school years, my final two were absolutely fantastic (exams aside.) But in 2007 I began the KS3 Science curriculum, the basics, such as photosynthesis, respiration and how to cope with a teacher bullying you. Yes, I was bullied by a teacher, it does happen. Now, I knew from about the age of 9 I was going to pursue marine biology in my life and so therefore knew I had to do well in my sciences to get to where I wanted to be. This teacher decided to make snide remarks to me every lesson about how my work wasn't neat enough or my notes weren't up to scratch and then one day he told me that if I don't buck my ideas up, I'll never surmount to anything. If anyone here has graced eyes on my old school reports then it'll tell you that although my grades were mediocre in some areas, in others I excelled, such as in Geography, Science or R.S, so to hear a teacher tell me I would never amount to anything upset me so much (I was also 11 at the time.) I decided to prove himwrong, I spent hours preparing for tests and kept doing well, it was never good enough for that teacher and therefore it was never good enough to me, so that was the beginning of my work ethic and diminshed self-esteem.

2) GCSEs Results Day:

Flash forward to 2012, It was a warm day in August and I had just come back from Canada, ready to start my A levels in Biology, Geography, Sociology and Philosophy. But alas, I had only gotten a C in my double science GCSE (I had missed the grade by 3 marks.) and  I needed a B to my A level in biology. Instantly I shunned all my other results which had been fairly good for someone who had spent a few months wheelchair bound or in hospital. But in my mind I had yet again, worked my hardest and my grades just weren't good enough, another hit to my self-esteem. Also, doesn't help that I have probably picked up a perfectionist trait from my Dad (Love you though, Dad.)

3) The very start of sixth form:

I made a decision in Year 11 not to go to the local college (because the biology tutor said I'd never be able to do biology in a month of Sundays because my Maths grade wasn't high enough (it was a C) , proved her wrong.) But instead I went to a sixth form a train journey away because I wanted a fresh break and they were happy with my maths results. Of course, my GCSE grades weren't high enough to do Biology and I begged and pleaded the head of sixth form to give me a chance, he was having none of it, I was an outsider, he knew nothing about my background and wasn't going to risk the sixth form ratings. and the was the biggest kick up the arse of my life he told me "Change my dream, go and do an English A level instead, you were good at that at GCSE" You can imagine how that went down. So I set out to prove him wrong, the heads of biology gave me a chance, he allowed me to do one year of an applied science A Level and if I got a C or above he would let me do Bioogy, I did it, I got a B, and I did my biology A level.

So as you can see there have been a string of people throughout my life who have told me I would never make it nor would I ever succeed if I did. Admittedly, those who believed in me and supported me far outweigh those few who doubted me. That's why it rules my life, why I will do so many hours studying, why I will put so much pressure on myself to be the bets I can be because poeple have told me reaptedly at different stages of my life that I will never make it, so to complete my degree and to do so well, will finally put me at some peace. (I will also be scanning my final degree results and posting them to those people above.)

Now, as I said this work ethic is both a blessing and a curse. LEt's put this in a normal sceanrio, you've done some studying, maybe finished an essay or a piece of coursework and you go on a night out or go to the gym, or just do something fun that relaxes you, you enjoy it, you go to bed and feel great about yourself. That's not how it works for me, I will often bail on social activities for my studies because of the sheer amount of guilt I will feel for going out and the amount of anxiety I will feel the next day about missing those hours of studying. Trust me, It's not pleasant and it's not pretty.

Have a problem or have any questions then please tweet me @RebeccaByTheSea or comment below and I'll see what I can do. and congratulatiuons, you've made it to the end of this blog post. Gold Star for you! 

Rebecca's 12 days of FITMAS...

I have been mulling over this idea for a little while now but I've come to conclusion, in order to reach my fitness goal for the next few months (see blog post about my goals here.) I'm going to give myself  a kick start programme. THE 12 DAYS OF FITMAS. Ta daaaah. There are many different versions of the 12 days of fitmas (So, I'm not taking credit for the name, at all.) but this is mine, so allow me to lay out why I'm doing it and what I'm going to do. Oooooh, look another list, what a surprise.



1) Why am I doing it?

Well, to put it bluntly I've become really lazy with cardio since I started my bulk 2 years ago and I've been slacking form most training since I've been at university, purely because I've been dedicating most of my time to my studies and the rest to keeping some form of social life to prevent me from going completely insane. So, I felt as the Christmas period approaches I should earn my Christmas dinner and all the extra pigs in blankets I'm going to be eating by setting myself this 12 days of Christmas challenge.



2) When am I doing it?

It won't start exactly 12 days before Christmas or even the 12 days of Christmas. Before anyone thinks I am incapable of being able to manage dates. This is because of my studies and some days at uni I won't be able to go to the gym, studies come first. I've also got a tonne of deadlines due by the 17th December, so I have balance them too.What I'm intending on doing is 12 days of activity in the Christmas period (Until 31st December.)



3) What the heck am I actually going to do?

 I must confess I have already done two days of Fitmas, I've been doing some Yoga for Strength workouts from fitness blender (Click here for video) to ease myself into getting into a routine, so my plans for the next 10 days are to increase my intensity of exercise and thus level of fitness slowly but surely. This is going to be through mainly a Cardio based plan because otherwise I'm just going to avoid it like the plague for the rest of my life and ended up gaining a lot of weight back again. And that would be bad, as I simply cannot afford a whole new wardrobe.



4) So what is this plan you speak of?

Well, since I cannot reveal my plan's for eventual world domination, I guess I can put up my plan for the next 10 days of workouts.

Sunday 6th December - 30 minutes Cardio, abs and arms.

Monday 7th December - Yoga for strength and flexibility, plus 20 minutes Cardio. (Check in)

Tuesday 8th December - 30 minutes Cardio, legs and calves

Wednesday 9th December - Off to York with friends so the walking will be my workout for that day.

Thursday 10th December - 35 minutes Cardio, abs and arms (With more reps/sets)

Friday 11th December - Yoga for strength and flexibility, plus abs and 25 minutes Cardio

Saturday 12th December - 35 minutes Cardio, legs and calves

Sunday 13th December - 40 minutes Cardio

Monday 14th December - 40 minutes Cardio, abs and arms (More weight)

Tuesday 15th December - Yoga for strength and flexibility, plus abs and and 30 minutes Cardio

Wednesday 16th December - 40 minutes Cardio, legs and calves (Final check in)



In terms of nutrition, I will be calorie counting using the myfitnesspal app, I will be taking in around 1,750 calories a day and trying to eat as healthy as possible but being a starving student who's semi-catered, I'm just going to have to see how it goes.

If I do what I feel was a good workout I will make a blog post about it and tell you all what I did that day, whether you like it or not. My Check ins will include weigh ins an progress pictures (If I feel comfortable enough to post them, that is.) If I skip a day, I will simply just do it the next but this will all be completed by December 31st 2015.

Fin.

Overcoming The Distance - My Relationship

I am very lucky to have been in a long distance relationship for over 3 years now and there's no sign of us getting rid of each other any time soon. And to answer the first Frequently asked question, how did you two meet? We met over twitter, not to bore you with all the details but I followed him because we liked similar bands, he followed me back, we tweeted each other about the new batman film. A few weeks later I get a message saying "Hey, I'm bored. You seem cool!" And I have been stuck with Kieran ever since. Okay? okay,

 This blog is predominantly written to answer the second most frequently asked question - How are you managing it? Well, It was never easy (and still isn't, really) no relationship is. However, ours had one little extra problem 211.7 miles of distance between us, we were from two different ends of the UK. It's gotten a little cheaper easier to see each other since I've moved to university (No, that is not the main reason I am at this specific university.) but due to studying and work it can still be a little while between seeing each other. So, since my avid followers (Hi, Mum!) know I really like lists. I've compiled a list of tips on how we've made it this far, and for anyone else in our situation because we know it's not easy.

1) Maintain contact

It is so important to talk to each other as much as possible. You don't have to be talking every minute of everyday but something as simple as a text on your work break asking how your other half is, or a quick phone call when you're travelling home from work (NOT IF YOU'RE DRIVING, PEOPLE. The phone call can damn well wait as long as you make it home alive and car in tact.) But realise that even the best people can't talk all the time. Kieran and I have days where we talk loads and some where it could just be a FaceTime before bed but cherish it all because sometimes it's the short and sweet conversations that mean the most. Just take each and every day s it comes.

2) Have adventures

This is a tip for when you're seeing each other again. Now, when I say adventures, I don't necessarily mean Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit. Adventures could be anything; For example, Kieran and I have been to see bands such as Black Stone Cherry, Slipknot, Bullet For My Valentine, there was also the infamous Sonisphere Festival trip of 2014 and our spontaneous decision one slightly drunken saturday afternoon (It was a festival, don't judge me for my alcohol consumption before 12pm 8 in the evening!) To go and see Reel Big Fish. Highly recommend them to anyone who's looking for the funnest gig you will ever go too! Anyway, Sonisphere is a story for another blog post in it's own right.
Now, Where was I? Ah yes, adventures! They can be smaller things too, like this weekend we went Christmas shopping and sat in coffee shops for hours. Just find new places to see together. It doesn't matter if it's the local nature walk, a gig in a pub or somewhere exotic, just go! Make memories!

3) Skype/FaceTime Date nights 

I love these so much. Basically, it's hwere you video call your significant other and watch something together, a crappy TV show or a B rate film like Mega Piranha would suffice! and then you can both talk to each other about what you're watching or do what Kieran and I do, make horrendous puns and terrible jokes about what you're watching.

4) Never go to sleep on an argument

This next couple of tips are quite serious. (Although, knowing me, there will be some kind of bad joke in here somewhere, sorry.) This is an old piece of advice for EVERY relationship.

So, you've had a bad day at work, you come home and discover that the dishes are still in the sink even though your partner has had the day off, a few words are spoken, the wrong tone of voice is used and the whole argument blows up into what happened on July 20th 2012 at 11:30am and there are discussions about who's keeping Aunt Margaret's vase. Well, don't storm off, slam doors and just go to sleep thinking it'll help, it won't. You're better off (IMO) shouting your throat raw and getting everything out, apologising to each other and both getting a good night's sleep knowing that everything's okay, waking up in the morning and your partner may hopefully do the dishes. Anyway, my point is, just get it out the way, say what needs to be said and then you can both work together to improve the situation.

5) Honesty is the best policy

I cannot stress this enough. Although it's never been a major problem in our relationship, Kieran and I have observed many long distance and non-long distance relationships fail because there's just no honesty and subsequently no trust in a relationship and it's so sad because sometimes it's from a build up of little white lies. If you're going to meet someone after work for a coffee, whether your partner likes them or not. Just tell your partner what you're doing, don't make up some awful excuse that you're working late, you'll be caught out and put a pretty major dent in your relationship, not worth it. Simples.


Have I forgotten any tips? Do you have any more questions? Or maybe, just maybe I may have helped you? Even if you hated this article and all my other blog posts feel free to tweet me @RebeccaByTheSea

Or if you want to ask Kieran some questions you can tweet him @Kieran639